How to stay at peace

I rolled over in the dark and looked at the clock. 3:30. I sighed. Likely I would lay there wide awake for a couple more hours, longing for sleep. Then, right on cue, my mind started down the grim track of the calamitous and terrifying state of world affairs...the political mess...family troubles…disappointments…memories of difficult times (why can’t those stay in the past?!)...

Familiar? I’m sure you’ve had your own troubled nights when you feel the dark weight of despair and fear grip your heart. Why are things always worse in the night? The new day doesn’t always bring improvement and it’s hard to shake off the cloud of gloom.

It tells us in the book of Daniel that in the end times the enemy will ‘wear out the saints’ (Daniel 7:25). Pretty well describes it, don’t you think? We get worn down from the battles, and long for clean, simple times of peace.

So what do we do? I’m reminded of David in the Bible. It tells us that when things were dark and dire, he ‘encouraged himself in the Lord’ (1 Samuel 30:6). Pretty amazing considering his whole army was ready to kill him and he needed an answer right now.

So in my quiet time this morning, I realized I had to take myself in hand and get back to what was true. Get myself refocused on the Lord and use the tools he’s given me to stay in his peace. 

Here’s what he reminded me:

to fear not 

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. (Isaiah 41:10 NLT)

to trust Him

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV)

to keep my mind focused on Him  

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! (Isaiah 26:3 NLT)

to rejoice

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! (Philippians 4:4 NLT)

to thank Him

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. (1Thessalonians 5:18 ESV)

to pray

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7 NLT)

to know that today will be filled with new mercies

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV)

If you’re struggling to find peace today, take these wonderful promises as God’s personal word to you. Encourage yourself in the Lord with them, and I think you’ll find fresh strength and a renewed perspective. It’s his promise!

Image by sun flower from Pixabay

The best devotional book ever

Many years ago, I was challenged to read one chapter of the book of Proverbs in the Bible each day. Conveniently, God set it up so there’s 31 chapters, one for each day of the month! A perfect way to start my morning quiet time with Him.

At the time I was new to the things of the Lord and trying to figure out what it meant to be a Christian in everyday life. But oh, the challenges! I read in Proverbs you should ‘get wisdom,’ but how did you do that?

The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight.  Proverbs 4:7 (ESV)

As I started to do my daily Proverbs reading, I discovered that literally every issue of life was addressed there. Practical, doable wisdom, guidance for the murky spots. 

When I had problems at work, I learned it was wise to hold my tongue and let God defend me. When I struggled with money, I learned God’s financial principles included tithing and giving generously. I learned that my words were very powerful—to hurt or help, tear down or build up. 

And most important of all, I learned that God promised His blessings if I sought His wisdom first and then obeyed what I read. 

It’s been many years since I started my daily Proverbs reading, and the amazing thing is, He was right! Absorbing those truths day after day, month after month, gave me understanding how to respond to the daily challenges of life. I learned to make right choices that bore good fruit and how to avoid those that would lead to trouble. He was answering my quest to find wisdom, one day at a time!

I still start my daily time with God reading the day’s Proverbs chapter, always looking to see what specific truths for the day He'll speak to me. If you haven't yet discovered the treasures of wisdom in Proverbs, give it a try. We're at the beginning of a new month, a perfect time to begin. 

God wrote the best devotional ever!

Image by Meghan Glaze from Pixabay

Remember the lonely!

 

The holidays are upon us once again! A season filled with Christmas on every hand—music and lights, gifts and family, excitement and joy.

But not for everyone.

Just as the virus is pandemic in our world, so is loneliness. Some are facing devastating personal loss, some are navigating the painful waters of bereavement. Divorce, singleness, and broken relationships all bring their own brand of desperate aloneness. Young people and children have found themselves trying to cope with new models of isolation with varying success. We’ve all heard the stories.

And if that weren’t enough, we now have masks to hide our smiles and rules to keep us safely apart. Don’t touch! Don’t get too close! Protect yourself! And sometimes we even use these as an excuse to not get into the uncomfortable world of someone else’s pain.

Jesus understands our pain

I remember a season of loneliness in my single days that threatened to undo me. I had moved to a new town, hadn’t made friends yet, and looked hopefully to my new little church to fill some of the emptiness. But week after week, people smiled, said hi—and went their way after service. I  desperately wanted someone to say, “Hey, come on home with us for lunch.” But it never happened. One particular Sunday I remember crying my way through the afternoon, fairly certain I could drop dead in the church aisle and no one would even notice.

A bit dramatic, I know. But the pain was real. Eventually God brought good friends my way and life mellowed out. But it was a lesson I never wanted to forget—remember the lonely!

Jesus understood this kind of pain and went to lengths to reach out with tender love and understanding to such sufferers. He healed lepers who knew the excruciating loneliness and isolation that awful disease brought. He reached out personally to all manner of those whose conditions had plunged them into despair and hopelessness.

He charged His followers to do the same.

Jesus taught that reaching out to the lonely is tied up with our eternal inheritance in the Kingdom. He told us to bring strangers into our homes, to care for each other’s needs, and visit those in prison. When we do that, He said, we are actually doing it to Him. (Matthew 25:34-40)

Wow, what a pressing truth! We can go to church every Sunday and not see the grieving widow or struggling single, greet them with a quick “Hi, how are you?” and be on our way. What would it mean to them to take a few minutes, really find out how they are, listen, pray for them—and follow up next week? Even in a crowd, we can be lonely. The reality is, we want to be seen and known.

What can we do?

This holiday season, as never before, opportunities to reach out to the lonely are legion. How can we do a better job of that? 

The ideas are endless, but it begins with awareness of those around us. We can start a conversation or make a phone call. Invite someone out to eat or to your home for a meal. Sit with them, listen with engagement and patience and heart. Introduce them to others. Include them in a family activity or service project. Follow up later or next week, let them see that someone cares. 

Visit the elderly or shut-ins if it is allowed. When we're in the store or workplace, give an offer of help, or make a point to give a word of encouragement and appreciation. Those moments of personal interest might be the lifeline someone needs that day. 

And, if course, pray. We are privileged to be partnering with God in His passionate concern for people. I pray He will direct and bless each of our efforts. It might be that your outreach will change a life!

(Photo by Alex Green, Pexels)

Someone is watching you

As we settled ourselves in the church pew that Sunday morning, the faces around me mirrored the barely controlled emotions and teary eyes I was struggling with. The unbelievable had happened: Kim, the pastor's daughter—our worship leader and my dear friend—had suddenly passed away the previous Wednesday, leaving behind a loving husband and five school-aged children. She had overcome cancer earlier, but we did not know it had recurred. 

Here we were only four days out from her passing, and there was her father, Pastor Jack, quietly greeting everyone at the door with his never-failing gentle smile. His wife, Mary, was there too, hugging us, giving the little children's Bible lesson at the beginning of service as though their lives had not just been cleaved in two. 

How do they do it? I wondered. This was not just a brave show of emotional control. They were truly at peace. In their rawest moment, the bedrock of their faith in Jesus Christ held them strong. They knew where Kim was. They had work to do, people who needed them. The imponderables of this devastating loss were left in God's hands. Their wounded hearts were obviously not the primary thing, the Kingdom was. 

That's what I saw. It was stunning and deeply affecting to me. When grief had visited my doorstep in past years, I pulled in, closed off, and wrestled with God. It had taken me many long months to come to peace and renewed trust, and with a later perspective I wondered why I had struggled so. It seemed a discredit somehow to my Lord and His love for me. 

I watched them through the following difficult months as they closed ranks and carried on. Mary picked up the kids’ homeschooling with another friend, and the many ministry hats Kim had worn settled on other heads. Each day brought fresh challenges in lives that were reshaped by such a loss. Yet, in all that time, I never heard a word of complaint. Rather, Mary’s cheerful and loving smile continued to greet us, and she met the daily challenges with unflagging courage and faith. 

I cannot overstate the impact that experience had on my life. God allowed me to see up close what Christian faith looks like under fire. When I saw how Mary trusted the Lord through that deep time of loss, and kept on doing the right thing in worship and trust and love for the Lord, it became a reference point to me: how could I do any less in my own difficulties? Her example became my new benchmark of faith. I asked the Lord to help me walk out my own trials with similar grace, that I too could be a help and not a hindrance to someone else's faith. 

We never know who is watching us. They see how we handle crises, if what we say we believe agrees with what they see. What I saw in Jack and Mary’s lives was the quiet, unshakable faith that had come through a lifetime of knowing Jesus. Theirs was a Kingdom view that not only helped keep them steady, but set an incredible example for those of us who watched. 

(Photo by Priscilla Dupreez on Unsplash )

Why Do I Have Hope?

                  

 I've posted this before here, but with the pandemic crisis and all the fear it has brought, it is good to remember what God has promised us. He offers us His peace and hope, no matter what is going on around us!

 I have hope because...

...God loves me:

        For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  (Romans 8:38-39)

...I am chosen:

        ...but you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.   (I Peter 2:9)

... when the world seems to have gone crazy, He is still God:

    In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.   (John 16:33)

...when I fear for my future, He says:

    Fear not! For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.   (Jeremiah 29:11)

...no evil purpose can stand against me:

    The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom.   (II Timothy 4:18)

...the testing of my faith has great purpose:

    These [trials] have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.   (I Peter 1:7)

...when I pray, I get answers:

    I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.   (John 16:23)

...when my body suffers, I can know His healing:

    ...[He] healed all the sick. This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah, "He took up our infirmities and carried our diseases." (Matthew 8:17)

...when I'm tired, He gives me strength:

    Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.   (Matthew 11:28)

...when I don't know what to do, He gives me His wisdom:

    If any of you lacks wisdom he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.   (James 1:5)

...when my heart is breaking, He wraps me in His arms:

    He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.   (Psalm 147:8)

...when I stumble and sin, He forgives me:

    If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.   (I John 1:9)

...when I've been wronged, He is my Defender:

    I know that the Lord secures justice for the poor and upholds the cause of the needy.   (Psalm 140:12)

...when the money doesn't stretch, He provides for me:

    And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.   (Philippians 4:19)

...when I'm worried and anxious, He promises peace:

    Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.   (Philippians 4:6-7)

...when things are falling apart, He has a plan:

    And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.   (Romans 8:28)

...when I fear for my family, I can trust His care:

    ...because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.   (II Timothy 1:12)

...when conflicting voices confuse me, He shows me the right way:

    But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth.   (John 16:13)

Why do I have hope?

 
Because Jesus came, and...

He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.  Of the increase of His government and peace there will be no end.  (Isaiah 9:6-7)

Things I wish I had known about eldercare

So, okay, I've said before that I came into caregiving with little preparation. I didn't grow up around elder folk, never knew my grandparents, and anyone older than my parents were healthy and independent. I (actually) thought that when you got to the place in life you couldn't take care of yourself anymore, you went into a nursing home.  And truthfully, I had just never given it any significant thought.

How I wish I had! But God has had us in the old learn-by-doing school, and our education has been filled with all kinds of excellent helps and helpers. I might add that the lessons continue every day--not just the nuts and bolts of a person’s care, but how to depend on God to give grace and patience for every moment, trust his wisdom for the constant decisions, and seek his love to buffer the bumpy edges of service. I hope I've changed for the good through this experience--mostly I'm aware of my failings and how much I need the Lord to make me able to do His will. I pray often, "Lord, thank You that You promised to give me both to will and do Your good pleasure." (Philippians 2:13)

There are over 40 million caregivers of the elderly in the U.S. today, most of whom are caring for aging relatives. You might be one of those caregivers. If you are, I daresay there is much I could learn from you!  And if you're not now, you might one day find yourself in that role. I'd like to share a few things we've learned that might help you not 'go blind' into that experience.

What you need to know as a caregiver:

• This is not an isolated incident, it's a season and life-style change.  If you don't make that mental adjustment at the beginning, you can set yourself up for resentment, frustration, and a host of detrimental and debilitating emotions.
• You need a support network! This includes prayer partners, helpers of any kind who offer to bring food or come in to give you a couple of hours off, etc. There's a wealth of good helps of every kind on the Internet, and often there are local caregiver support groups. Don't be afraid to let others know if you have a need; sometimes they can help, and if not, that listening ear can often diffuse the emotions and frustrations you feel. My sister was a huge help to me--she'd walked this out before me and gave wonderful advice, tips, and loving understanding. 
• Patience, patience, patience. Eldercare demands a lot of grace and patience—your loved one might move more slowly, take longer to make decisions, forget things, repeat things, or find they sometimes can’t do even the smallest tasks. (I might add that you’ll need a lot of patience in dealing with doctors, hospitals, care centers, etc. The wheels of the medical community often grind very slowly.) I pray a lot!
• Find out what services are available in your area. It's good to know who can provide:
• In-home care:  This can just be a few hours a week for help with personal care, up to full-time. This is a wonderful option to provide time for shopping, appointments, and down-time.
• Respite care:  Some assisted-living places provide short-term care to give caregivers a true break, time for travel, etc., while giving your loved one quality care in a safe environment.
• Specialized care centers that offer rehabilitation, Alzheimer's/dementia care, etc.
• Hospice care:  We have been so amazed at the wonderful level of care and services they provide (funded through Medicare), and thankful for this amazing gift of support. Our community provides hospice respite care a few days a month at a special facility, designed to give top-notch care to your loved one while you can take a much-needed break from the caregiving responsibility.
• Legal services, such as trust and will preparation, property issues, and others:  DON'T WAIT TO MAKE THESE ARRANGEMENTS! A crisis can happen in a moment and that's not the time to be scrambling to find paperwork and making huge decisions. 
• Who in the family is acting as trustee, Power of Attorney, and the executor of the estate? Has your loved one designated medical power of attorney? Is there a will? Where is it? Do they have a living will? What about accounts and policies?
• Caregiver burnout is a real issue. It's good to plan regular breaks or mini-vacations if possible to give yourself the physical and mental refreshment you need for the long haul. Just say yes to offers of help, and try to keep up with whatever your own interests are to provide you with emotional balance. I love to read good historical fiction and have found that a book can take me 'away' in mind if I can't get there bodily. A couple of hours out to shop by yourself or have coffee with a friend can siphon off overwhelm.
• Your life will change. Caregiving adds not only a new level of work and responsibility, but limits your outside life. Instead of focusing on all you're not able to do anymore, try instead to enjoy the quality of what you can do. It's really a good time to savor the little things of life and let them feed your inner person. One of the blessings I'll always treasure about this season for me is the times my daughter and I have headed off "after hours" to watch our favorite British period dramas.

What your loved one needs:

• Patience and love, lots of it. It helps to imagine yourself in their shoes and how much you need to be understood and have others be patient with you. Impatience with them actually can make a situation worse--it just feeds agitation and depression. Hugs reassure them that they’re not alone.
• Simplicity in everything. Often their mental processes have slowed down, so keep a simple schedule, keep explanations short and sweet, give two choices instead of several, etc. Don’t try to explain very much; they might not get it.
• Similarly, try to keep a routine as much as possible. It works well for everyone if things happen the same time every day. 
• Exercise limitations, not too much of anything at one time. Space out activities and visitors so they (and you!) don’t get overtired.
• Positive encouragement! Positive and cheerful words! Smiles! 
• Recognize that they won’t be restored to their former selves. This is a hard one because we knew them full of life and competent, and it’s hard to accept their decline. But for their good and yours, you have to keep a clear and honest mind about the situation. God will help you do and say what you have to.
• And along that same line, recognize that they need to talk about their fears and end-of-life questions. If you need help with this, a pastor or chaplain can visit, pray, and talk.

And here are a few helpful tips:

• Keep visitors' time on the short side. Though nice, talking can be very fatiguing to your loved one. Let visitors know ahead of time what their 'window' is--they'll appreciate the heads-up.
• Tell visitors please don't bring plants...bring cut flowers. The caregiver is left with the responsibility of watering, pruning, transplanting, etc.  They don't need more work!
• Pick your battles. The ones you need to prevail in have to do with safety and well-being, not the optional stuff. You can get tied in a million knots of frustration if you try to control every little thing, even if you're 'right.'  With an elderly loved one, remember they've often lost much, if not all, control of their lives. If you honor their wants on the negotiables, it can go a long way to easing their angst over this difficult season.
• Keep a caregiving journal and/or calendar. (This is a biggie.) Record things like diet, sleep and nap times, health issues, medications, notes from doctors' appointments, etc. Since you become your loved one's health advocate, it's a huge help to have this record to share with medical staff or to help you recognize patterns or issues.

Probably most caregivers would say that this kind of responsibility is a mixed bag—a challenge and a blessing both. A few years into it now, I’m grateful to God for all the lessons I’ve learned. You will find if you walk through this journey with Him, you’ll discover how very faithful He is.


What about you?  Do you have any helps you could share with us about elder care?

Death and hope

I lost a precious friend a few weeks ago to brain cancer. And indeed, death has been much on my mind as I’ve heard of many others recently losing loved ones or babies in miscarriage.

It brings a heaviness and sorrow to my heart as the inevitable question rises up within. Why? And for those left behind to process and carry on, I pray. The God who knows and understands all, and whose goodness is the bedrock of my life, will comfort and heal.  It’s what He does.

It has brought to my mind again an incredible truth I learned a few years ago when my mom passed away. All my life I had dreaded that loss.  We were so close, she was such a huge part of my life, and I couldn’t imagine how I could handle her being gone.

But when the day came—and the many days following—I was stunned to truly experience what the Bible promises to us and those who know Him: we sorrow not as those who have no hope.

I had the clearest sense the night she passed that I was not saying the heart-wrenching good-bye I’d feared, but “see you later, Mom.” It was painful but peaceful and has been as real to me to this day.

It’s true! I will see her later! Jesus was her Lord and she’s safe with Him. I know Him, too, so this is just a temporary separation. My friend is there, too, and one day I’ll join her and Mom and all the others who belonged to Him—and oh, what a party that will be!

If you’re walking through deep loss, I pray you’ll experience God’s true peace and this amazing comfort. Remember, “joy comes in the morning”!

Getting ready for the answer

I read a devotional this week about preparing yourself to receive the thing you have prayed for--doing an act of faith to demonstrate your belief that the answer is on its way even though you can't see it yet.

It reminded me of an amazing lesson I learned about this very thing in the early years of our marriage. My husband and I had lived in our big-city condo for quite a while, following a strict budget to save for our first house. Now, with our dream close to being fulfilled, we began to explore neighborhoods in the area where we wanted to live. 

We settled on a lovely community flanking a hill that could be seen from across the city. Every morning in my quiet time, I would sit with my Bible looking out the window from our third-story condo to that very hill and pray about our new home.

"Right there, Lord, that's where we want to live. Please choose the perfect house for us, and please give us wonderful neighbors." 

One day an idea came to me. I remembered that often in the Bible, God would have people do some sort of act of faith BEFORE the answer to their prayer came. They did something that showed they believed their request was already a done deal and on its way. Then the answer would come.

So when the time came for my next grocery shopping trip, instead of going to my usual neighborhood store, I drove to the one up on our chosen hill. "Lord, this is MY store now. This is where I'm going to shop because I believe it's close to where our new home will be. Thank You!"

In reality it might not have been that close; the area was large and it could be our new home would be a bit of a drive from this store. But this was right where we wanted to be and I figured it didn't hurt to be specific with the Lord.

I felt a little sheepish driving there every week, but no one cared so it didn't matter. What did matter was that God knew this was an act of faith to show that I believed He would give us the desires of our hearts. I kept up that weekly trek for some weeks, feeling a growing excitement to see what God would do.

And wouldn't you know, He did one of His above-and-beyond answers for us. We had our realtor looking in an area of homes we could afford a mile or two from my store. Nothing was right. Then one day my husband saw an ad in the paper for an open house that afternoon on a street two blocks from my store. It was an area we thought we couldn't afford, but it turned out to be our house. God gave us an amazing deal in every way, and in short order we were moving in to our wonderful answer-to-prayer home.

We discovered we had an incredible array of neighbors, a 'village' of warm and lovely people who became dear friends over the years. And, not only could I walk two blocks to my store, a two-block walk in the other direction took me to another store--take my pick! I had to laugh at God's 'double portion' design for us.

The whole experience was such a lesson in faith to me, my part and God's part. He promises specific answers to specific prayers and shows Himself mighty on our behalf when we give Him something to work with. I sensed His delight in responding to my silly act of faith, and it gave me new understanding of His loving heart and delight to bless.

So if you’re praying about a need, consider some kind of act of faith—and get ready for the answer!

There's a bottom to that trial

Some years ago I found myself suddenly suffering from a severe systemic candida infection. Sugar and carbs were the enemy--they not only made me violently sick, but released toxins that caused miserable symptoms. Within hours of the diagnosis, I had to go cold-turkey off of half what I normally ate, eat only meats, fish, eggs, and green vegetables, and begin the regime of natural meds that seemed all my body could handle.

I cried through more than one meal. Not being able to eat all the good things I cooked for my family was brutal. The candida made me ravenously hungry; the spartan diet I was now on didn't satisfy, and my body was having to shift from getting its energy from carbs to proteins.

But the scary thing for me was rapid weight loss. I have an average build, and at the time had very little extra to lose. Within the first month, I lost 25 pounds with no end in sight, and I was soon seeing a gaunt, not-well reflection in the mirror.

One afternoon, a jeweler, who was adjusting my wedding ring, told an ‘I-knew-a-person’ type of horror story people are apt to do when we tell them of our troubles. (Why do we do that?!) This friend had lost so much weight due to illness that his body was consuming itself for energy (ketogenic) and he ended up in the hospital.

Well, you can imagine how that hit me. His 'encouragement' sent a flaming arrow of cold fear straight to my heart. I was scared anyway in this uncontrolled free-fall, and now the picture of desperate illness and loss filled my mind.

I couldn't sleep that night. I knew the Lord wanted me to be at peace and trust Him, but honestly, I just couldn't get a grip. I cried out to Him for help, something, some word that would give my faith something to grab onto.

In the light of my bedside lamp, I reached out for my little bedside Bible and randomly opened it to the Psalms. There was His word for me, jumping off the page into my heart.

"The steps of a good man are ordered of the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholds him with His hand."  Psalm 37:23-24

I saw it--His great big loving hand was underneath me, stopping the free-fall, holding me securely and protecting me from this raging enemy and its devastations. A wave of joy washed over me--yes! He was bigger than this trouble. He was the bottom to this trial and I could relax and let Him take care of it for me.

The fear vanished like a morning mist in the sun. I slept peacefully that night, and would you believe it, I never lost another pound. From that day on I began to get better. It was a slow journey but a steady one, and I'm thrilled to say that today I am well!  My wonderful Lord 'upheld me with His hand' and walked me through to healing.

If you're struggling in a situation that seems out of control, I encourage you to take this verse to heart. He's bigger than any problem and wants to fight our battles for us. Picture yourself safe in His hand and and let it go to Him. He delights to do you good!

The simple secret of relationships

Fourth grade was brutal. At least the other-kids-in-class part of it (is there any other?). That year I learned what a horrible person I was (!), how unlikable I was, and how ‘sticks and stones’ weren’t the things that drove painful wounds deep into my heart. I learned how important it was to carefully calculate my words and actions, knowing that no matter what I said, a mean arrow could fly straight back at me from the class bully. She was my discovery that there were people who didn’t play according to the ‘nice’ rules I’d been taught.

In distress and bewilderment, I would pour out my trouble to Mom after school. What do you do when you can’t play the game according to their rules? What had I done to bring her hatred on me?

And Mom would always come back to the same thought in her response. “Honey, we don’t know why she’s acting that way. It might not be because of something you’ve done. Maybe she’s unhappy inside and is taking it out on you. But the most important thing is not what she’s doing to you, but how you act back. Think about it—how would you want to be treated if you were her? Answer that question and you'll know what to do. ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you’!"

She was, of course, quoting Jesus’ famous words from Matthew 7:12, the Golden Rule: “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you.”(NASB)

It didn’t make sense, being nice to someone who was deliberately hateful to me. But Mom wanted me to understand the simple secret of relationships—show love. Act with courtesy, respect, kindness, honor, patience, generosity, forgiveness. All the same things I want and need from people. And God’s promise is that following His example of giving grace and mercy to others when it’s not deserved will bring us great reward (Luke 6:35).

In my stumbling child way, I began to learn how to forbear and act out the Golden Rule. Things improved with my antagonist by the end of the year, and with each little victory, I began to see that God’s way diffused trouble with people in a way nothing else could. It was a process of learning to say no to my selfish need to be right or first, my desire to win or to taste the sweetness of vindication.

Jesus clearly taught us that the Golden Rule is the essence of love--giving, putting the other person first, being willing to give up our 'rights' to ourselves in a situation for the good of someone else. Isn't that how we'd want to be treated? If the tables were turned right now and we were in their place, what would we need? Patience? Understanding? Kindness? To be forgiven?

Our days are filled with choices to love or not. What if it were me who made a mistake in traffic and needed forbearance? What if it were me in the store needing to hurry through the checkout line? What if it were me who received bad news? What if I had a bad night and was struggling to focus at work? What if I was dealing with a terrible heartache and took it out on you? What if I was a child without the benefit of wisdom and experience and I needed the grace given me to try yet again?

It’s so easy to fall into a me-first-my-way attitude with people, but just as I learned in fourth grade, it really doesn’t achieve anything but more hurt and divisiveness. Mom was right (of course!). The secret to living well with others is to think about how I’d want to be treated—and then do it!

Grace-living

I'm learning in this unusual season of care-giving a life lesson I hope I'll never forget.

As a type-A-box-checker, I love a list, a plan, a logical progression of things. I love to know what's coming, and will come up with a plan for any and everything. (Can anyone relate?)

Problem is, this creates all kinds of personal stress--because as often as not, life doesn't go the way I'd like it to. Then I get frustrated, and might go try plan B, which may or may not work. Then, I might even get sick!  (Stress does that, you know.)

Of course, the Lord has been working with me for a long time about this besetting sin. (Yes, I'd call it a sin because if I'm managing things, guess Who isn't?)  I've learned often in the past—and keep forgetting—the value of "letting go and letting God.”

But this season of my life has required a "letting go" way beyond anything I've ever lived. I've been walking not only on the unfamiliar ground of care-giving, but there are very few days that go according to 'schedule.'

So what I'm learning is this. When I charge into my day with my plan and thought carefully laid out, it may or may not work.  If it doesn't, which is often, things just go south.

BUT...when I begin my day asking the Lord to orchestrate and order every part of it, and then LEAVE IT with Him, guess what?  I have a peaceful day filled with little God-touches that show how happy He is to take care of everything.

It'll be small things. I'm scrambling to find something for dinner and I discover a meal's worth of something in the freezer. I can't see how I can fit X into my schedule today, then it's canceled. Or my to-do list looms huge at the start of the day, but by late afternoon everything somehow got done and I can’t account for it.

A fresh lesson in this letting-go-letting-God happened recently. We were finally able to take a much needed mini-vacation to San Diego, and I had spent three full evenings online (read: waste of time) trying to find the right hotel at the right price in the right location. By late the third evening, not finding what we needed, I was exhausted and fighting a headache. In frustration, I finally prayed, "Lord, I just can’t spend any more time on this. You have the perfect place for us to stay, so I'm turning this whole thing over to You. Please arrange whatever is best."

A short while later, my husband remembered a special deal he’d forgotten about, found it online, and had our reservations done in short order--the straight, simple, perfect answer. Wonderful! I could have saved myself a lot of frustration.

So that's what I think daily living by grace is all about. Living in the ability and power of Jesus in every situation, no matter how small. Stopping and committing each need to Him, trusting Him to give the wisdom, provision, direction, whatever, then waiting for Him to take care of it. And thanking Him for yet another evidence of His very personal love and utter faithfulness.

I'm learning. Just think what a life lived every day in this freedom would look like! It’s my new aim.