Re-engaged

I am called to write.

That fact has been both a joy and a torment.  A joy when I could be engaged in learning and growing in the craft, writing and expressing the things that were on my heart.  But a torment when life intruded on my time to write, distracting me from my focus and rendering me unable to work with words.

Such have been the last few years.  I had been steadily writing around the edges of the time given to homemaking and homeschooling, making some progress.  God had given me a big vision for a children's Bible study book, and I'd gotten a good start on it.  But a few years of huge life issues completely sidelined me.  My writing quietly folded itself away.

By last summer, my frustration level was at an all-time high.  I was grieving the loss of this dream and looking to the future in despair that I’d ever be able to really write again.  I told the Lord more than once that He would do me a favor and just Take.It.Away.  I could at least be at peace.

Then last fall, I started feeling some deep stirrings of unexplained hope.  Words began to come to me daily, from many different sources—”renew the vision,” “new beginnings,” “resurrection of dead dreams.”  I know from experience that this kind of thing is no accident.  God was gently stirring the waters and aiming to redirect my negative and non-productive thinking.  Lysa TerKeurst calls these “limiting beliefs,” those things that hinder you from moving into all that God has for you.

I’ve been at this place before—the crisis of faith.  Years ago, my dreams to have a baby went through the fires of testing.  I’d suffered long with a painful physical condition that threatened my ability to conceive, but I also had had a clear promise from the Lord in His Word that I would be the “happy mother of children.”  It was a rocky road though; several surgeries, several miscarriages, the last of which was particularly brutal at half-term.  Brokenhearted and profoundly disappointed, I was so done with the whole thing.  Pregnancy was a mine field and I gave up.

I stayed at that place of deep depression for a year and a half.  But one day in my quiet time with the Lord, I felt He was saying, “We have some unfinished business.” He was right.  Nothing from His side had changed.  I knew I would either have to take hold again by faith, or let it go and know that by so doing, I’d never see my answer.  It was terrifying, considering my history.  But I believe His grace made me able to re-engage once again.  I did, and long story short, our miracle daughter was born “in the fullness of time.”  (All glory to His Name!)

So back to the writing.  I could see that a similar principle was at work here.  If the “gifts and callings of God are without repentance,” (Romans 11:29) meaning He doesn’t take them back, then nothing had changed from His side.  I had to get moving, demonstrate my faith in the face of seeming impossibilities (my frozen writer’s brain, time to write), and change my thinking and words. 

So instead of, “Why start? I’ll never be able to finish,” or “Forget it, it’s not even reasonable to think I could write a book at this season of my life”—I began to state what I was asking and believing God to do.  “I am a prolific writer.  The Holy Spirit is quickening my mind, giving me words.  He is helping me to use my hours wisely.  He is arranging my days so I’ll have slots of time to write.  I am doing the will of God, therefore He will give me good success.”

It’s funny.  When I began to shake off my “limiting beliefs” and start believing that God was giving this dream back, things began to change.  He gave me a whole new, enlarged vision not only for my book but for all of my writing—for His Kingdom work.  He is arranging my daily life so that I have actually have chunks of time to brainstorm and redesign and write.  It’s glorious!  I feel like what Eric Liddel said in Chariots of Fire, “when I run, I feel His pleasure.” When I write, I feel His pleasure.

So I’d like to encourage you today.  If you have a dream that has died, but it just doesn’t let go of you, maybe God wants you to be willing to take hold again. To believe that it’s His joy and delight to fulfill in you all that He made you to be and do.  Don’t stop short!  It might be really hard, that reaching out and taking hold again.  But He will help you, as He has me.  As Christians, we know that in all things we live by faith.  Your faith pleases and honors the Father, and is the means by which you’ll see the “abundantly above and beyond all you can ask or think” come to pass.

Faith…re-engaged!

A good prayer for today

In my Bible reading lately, I came across a prayer I used to pray often.  I'm not sure why I fell out of the habit, but it is one of those prayers that “covers the waterfront.”  I sense my faith engaging with confidence as I pray it over requests and needs for myself and others.  In fact, I sometimes change the ‘we’ to ‘I’ and ‘me’—as I’ve written below.  It’s found in Colossians 1:9-12.

“Father, today I pray, in the Name of Your Son Jesus…

…that I may be filled with the knowledge of Your will
    in all wisdom and
    spiritual understanding;

…that I may walk worthy of You,
    fully pleasing You;

…that I may be fruitful in every good work;

…that I may increase in the knowledge of You;

…that I may be strengthened with all might,
    According to Your glorious power,
    With all patience and longsuffering
    With joy.

I thank You for qualifying me to be a partaker
    of the inheritance of the saints
    in the light.

I believe it,
    I receive it by faith,
    and now act on the promise
    that my prayer is granted.”

Amen!

Times and seasons

It has been so evident since we moved here to Arizona two years ago that we began a whole new life season, other than the obvious geographic relocation. 

Back in Colorado, nearly my whole life was absorbed in the many facets of homeschooling and all things children—teaching in my own homeschool and our church Sunday School, curriculum planning, support and youth group activities, etc. Moving here drew us fully into the larger picture of extended family life, and simultaneously ended my season of homeschooling.

Now, as this new year begins, I find myself in the season of care-giving.  My father-in-law’s passing eight months ago created a new and very challenging situation for the family—not only helping my mother-in-law with all facets of her daily life and health issues, but trying to bring real encouragement and comfort to her sorrowing heart.  I’m afraid we’ve not been very successful as there are no shortcuts in the grief process. 

I’ve really never been much around elderly folk; I never knew my grandparents or older extended relatives, and have largely been unaware of the incredible challenges seniors can face.  Where once they were strong, productive and independent, now they deal with tiredness, forgetfulness, health troubles, grief, loss of independence, loss of purpose.  They have to let others call the shots and be gracious at the same time.

Care-giving is similar to homeschooling—very much a walk of faith.  Every day I need the Lord’s practical wisdom and help. Each day it’s just doing the next thing, trusting that our efforts will bear fruit.  And, like homeschooling, it’s all about someone else—a good refining process for the soul! 

My prayer is that the Lord will help me be faithful in this season and learn all the lessons He has for me.  It’s not easy, but then I guess nothing worthwhile ever is, right?

The "re-" words

I have been prayerfully pondering a strong thought for some weeks now, something that I believe God is speaking as a theme for this new year.

Re-!

The work of the enemy of our souls is always negative--you know, the 'de-' words.  Defeat. Despair. Destroy. Depress. Jesus warned us of this in John 10:10:  "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and destroy."

Have you experienced any of these attacks this year?  I have.  Some days it was hard to keep my head above water and remember that Jesus had all the strength and help I needed for every situation.

But the Lord has been reminding me that He is the Redeemer!  He has 'bought back' every kind of destruction that can come against me and turn it into Life.  The second half of that verse describes it:  "I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly."

When you think about it, redemption is a package deal, absolutely everything I need or ever will need. It's a "re-" word that encompasses all the others. "Re-" means "go back to, again, anew."  Only in Jesus, He doesn't just take us back to where we were derailed. He takes us up into His realm of resurrection life--the superabundance, overflowing, more-than-enough, extraordinary supply of His redeeming work on the cross.

Restore.

Renew.

Repair.

Rebuild.

Replenish.

Recover.

Refresh.

Revive.

Recompense.

Return.

Doesn't that just make your heart sing?  It does mine.  I desperately need this precious and powerful work of the Holy Spirit over this year.  I'm looking for it in all my needy situations, asking for it, thanking Him for it.

May He quicken this truth to your heart today, in whatever place of challenge you find yourself, and give you new and fresh encouragement for 2016!

Life - and death - lessons

Late May ushered in a new season for us as a family. We were about our spring activities: yard work, taking out our summer clothes, Leesie finishing up her school semester.  Then the unexpected happened--my father-in-law Tom suffered a massive heart attack, then passed away a week later.

Wow.  People go through this kind of thing everywhere, but it's stunning when it happens in your own family.  We had no warning with Tom; we'd been in church together that morning, everything perfectly normal, and that night he was in ICU in a coma.  He never awoke to say goodbye to his family.

These ensuing weeks have been filled with the business of wrapping up a life.  Paperwork, phone calls, visits, obituaries, funeral and memorial arrangements, and cleaning out personal belongings have filled our days.  The harder part has been to support my mother-in-law--help her redefine life after 62 years of marriage to her deeply loved sweetheart. She's had significant health issues that have made this new adjustment even more challenging than normal.

Needless to say, it is a journey of faith for all of us.  But oh, the incredible gift of God's peace and help through it all!  I experienced this two-and-a-half years ago when my own beloved Mom passed away, an astonishing surprise in the waves of loss and sorrow.  It has brought into sharp focus once again the absolute surety and reality of "God with us." It's true--we sorrow not as those who have no hope.

So now nearly three months out from Tom's passing, I'm thankful for many ways the Lord has shown His goodness to our family.  The lessons in this loss have been important reminders to my own life:

• The Lord orchestrates the affairs of His children.  We moved here at the right time--God's time.  We had a wonderful year-and-a-half with Tom, a compressed time of relationship building and love, and Leesie got to know her grandpa.
• Things can change in a moment.  It's been a sharp reminder to love and appreciate one another (and say so!) while we have the chance.  One should leave this life with no regrets.
• We have hope.  Our separations are only temporary!  As Christians, we'll be together for all eternity, and in the meantime, we each need to finish our own course well.
• There's nothing like the Body of Christ.  I was absolutely overwhelmed by the kindness, love, support and generosity of Christian friends and our church in the days after Tom's passing.  We were blessed with an abundance of meals, visits, prayer, encouragement, tears of sympathy, helps--an avalanche of loving goodness.  It has taught me how I can be a better help to others in a similar situation.
• Life your life for Jesus.  Tom was one of the most giving and generous people I've ever known, a wonderful father-in-law.  He and my mother-in-law sowed seed for the Lord daily, from giving cookies to the trash man to helping friends buy a house.  He saw opportunities to bless and bless he did.  I saw firsthand the spiritual principle at work: he was 'enriched in everything' because he was 'rich toward God.' 
• Leave a Godly legacy for your family and children.  Tom was passionate about things like honor, faithfulness, generosity, care for the needy, patriotism, and love of God and His Word. His sons all live out these things and have passed them on to the next generation.  

We miss you, Dad.  But just wait a while...we'll be joining up again one day, and oh, what a party that will be!  I imagine you'll greet us with one of your big hugs and have some new jokes to tell.  You have been a gift to us who were blessed to know you here.

God in a life

"Mom, tell me about the time when..." 

How often I've heard this from my daughter in her growing-up years, and how many times I asked that of my own mom. We all love a true story, don't we? 

Blogging is such a great medium for sharing the immediacy of our lives--what we did today, what we're thinking about, etc.  It's gives readers a sense of real-time connection with the writer, instead of the distance we feel with articles or books, for example. 

I like that, but sometimes I wonder about the larger context of those writers' lives. Where did they grow up? What was their family like? Each of us has a story, one that made us who we are, a story that God Himself wrote with love and design. Fascinating, inspiring, no two alike. 

So I've decided that from time to time I'll share something here of my own story. It's good for me to remember the great goodness of the Lord in every step of my life, good to give Him the credit for a faithfulness that I don't deserve. Maybe something in my story will encourage you in yours. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God came on the scene very early in my life. My parents were church-going Christians, and Sundays found us dressed in our pretty dresses and off to church and Sunday School. I must have known about Jesus from my earliest days, but it wasn't until one night when I was five years old that I really met Him. 

My parents, little sister and I were sitting in the living room watching a Billy Graham crusade on our black-and-white TV. He was talking about sin, and said something to the effect that sin gave us a black heart. Jesus came and died for our sins so that we could have our hearts washed clean, forgiven and made new, with the gift of life in heaven forever with Him. 

He was talking to me. I was struck to the core. Crawling up on the sofa next to my dad, I said, "Daddy, I have a black heart!" 

He didn't laugh or make light of my earnest conviction. Gently he reviewed what we'd just heard Mr. Graham say about salvation and my need to deal with my now-understood sin issue. Jesus loved me. Jesus died for me.  "Would you like to ask Jesus into your heart right now?" he asked.

I nodded eagerly, and together we knelt down beside the sofa. He led me in the sinner's prayer, and to my five-year-old understanding, I got up knowing that I was a Christian, now with a clean, white heart. 

No one can tell me that salvation can't be authentic in young children.  Even though I recommitted my life to Christ years later, I knew without a shadow of a doubt from that moment by the sofa that I belonged to Jesus. I carried with me all my childhood years an inner knowing that He was in me and with me. 

Thank you, Billy Graham, for your faithful preaching.  Thank you, Daddy, for showing me the way--both then and ever after--how to trust Jesus with my life. And thank You, dear Lord, for sending loving and faithful people into my life to show me Your way! 

An inspiring read

I love history…and I love biographies. So it has been a treat to begin this year with a daily devotional that brings them both together, The One Year Book of Christian History by E. Michael and Sharon Rusten.

Each day’s reading takes me to some spot on the 2,000-year timeline since the Church began, and ties that day’s date to a significant event in Christian history. While mostly narrative, I think the authors do a good job of balancing historical context and personal story.

I like that though the book covers many of the better-know figures of Christian history (Amy Carmichael, Hudson Taylor, etc.), there are many I’ve never heard of. For example, today’s reading (January 23), tells of Lott Carey, a black slave in 1780 Virginia who became a Christian, was able to purchase his freedom, and on this date in 1821, sailed to Liberia as the first black missionary to Africa.

I don’t know about you, but I find it so moving to read stories like this about real people. It’s wonderful to step back and get a glimpse of the big picture of God’s plan at work through the ages. Their example of faith and perseverance in the face of deep trials and difficulties is so inspiring. I’m challenged afresh to walk faithfully before Him in my own generation!

New Year's resolutions, rethought

As a new year begins, I'm always eager to set goals and make plans--it's very exciting to have a fresh action list that will aim my efforts and keep me on track.

Normally, I start by journaling in a sort of free-write style about the past year--reviewing high points & praises, failures, patterns, observations, needs. I like to do this with a free journaling program I downloaded on my computer, which allows me both the privacy I want and the speed to really get my thoughts out there.

Then from that I come up with an action list and goals for the coming year. I print out a final copy and keep in my calendar notebook so that I can refer to it often. The whole process works well and gives me a clear sense of purpose and direction.

However, I think this year will be a bit different. Less detailed, with more focus on the inner issues of my heart.

If I've learned anything from this very challenging and busy year, it's been that God wants me to follow His plan for my days, not mine. (New thought, huh?) The key word here is f-l-e-x-i-b-l-e. Time and again, I have mapped out my day and gotten rolling, only to have it completely change by mid-morning. (For we Type A's, this is, um, particularly challenging.) My very lists become a source of frustration because I am constantly faced with what I'm not accomplishing!

I'll admit right here that I'm not good at this! God has not always had my best cooperation, sadly. But the pattern that has emerged is unmistakable. He wants me to:

Trust Him with all my heart, not lean on my own understanding; acknowledge Him in all my ways...and He will direct my paths.    ~ Proverbs 3:5, 6  (my paraphrase)

That "direct my paths"...do you know what the word direct means in the original Hebrew? It's fabulous. The word is yashar and it means "to make straight, right, upright, pleasing, and good." 

So if (when) I let Him take all my 'stuff,' He promises to make my days straight and right and good!

That is my prayer and plan for 2015. I'm trying to "let go and let God." The days where I have successfully done this (with my mind and heart) have been the best ones; somehow the important stuff gets done, and I'm learning to rethink my priorities in light of what are obviously His.

May He yashar your paths this year as well!

A quick catch-up

January...2015. I can hardly believe how the months fly by! 

Yes, and in case you're counting, it's been months since I've posted here. My apologies, dear reader. I have missed my blog world and keeping up with the friends I have made here. I have written dozens of posts in my mind, but they just haven't made it to the keyboard. I hit the ground running in the morning and find it hard to get past the day's to-do list to do the 'fun' stuff.  However...one of my resolutions for the new year is to get back to blogging--I'll do my best to make it so!

I have rarely had a year in my life as busy and full-to-the-brim as the one just past. The short list includes:

• a short vacation to California to meet some of our wonderful blog-world friends

• finishing thirteen years of homeschooling and getting all my ducks in a row to get our daughter Leesie graduated

• a trip back to Colorado for her to graduate with her lifelong friends, for us to see friends

• a wonderful two-weeks' visit here by precious Colorado friends

• dozens of family events

• helping Leesie get her driver's license and first car

• helping her get started in college

• lots of cooking, hospitality, and family care of one sort or another

The past few months have brought quite a change to our family, the one homeschoolers can hardly envision will ever happen--we finished homeschooling! A funny, empty feeling, especially when you have only one student. However, I hardly had time to process the end of that chapter of my life as I was racing headlong into the next. And I need not have worried about what the next step would be for Leesie (which I did!)--God had a marvelous plan that has unfolded right before our eyes.

She realized last summer that graphic design was her real love, so she started a program in the fall at a local junior college. And right on the heels of that, by a miraculous connection only the Lord could have arranged, she was offered a graphic design internship at a local historical museum. What a perfect match! We think it will soon be a paid position, and she's loving it. As her boss has told her, she's learning things about the graphic design world and marketing that she wouldn't learn in school. We're just thrilled and once again, amazed at our good God.

The Lord's message to me in 2014 was "just trust Me." I struggled so often to stay in that place of peace, but little by little I'm learning anew that I really can trust Him to work out the complexities and needs of my life. So I begin 2015 with a renewed confidence that, in spite of the challenges and unknowns of the year before me, I will see that He went before and planned it all out.

I hope this new year will bring you a fresh awareness of the love and goodness of Jesus!

Morning sun

I’m a morning person.  Nothing delights my soul quite like watching the day begin, my hands warming around a mug of hot tea, my Bible in my lap, and an hour of quietness before me.
 


One of the joys of our new home is the morning sunshine that streams in my kitchen window, welcoming me to a new day.  I fix breakfast with a smile on my face at this sweet gift the Lord planned for me.

And once the weather warms up, I’ll greet the sun on my new favorite spot!

Another season

Well, it’s that for me, both literally and figuratively…the golden leaves of fall have ushered out summer, and I’ve started a new season of my life.

Yes, we made it here to Arizona safe and sound after a zany few weeks of chaos.  At least that’s how it felt.  Our life in a zillion boxes, emotional good-byes, the unrelenting pace of selling, closing, cleaning, and leaving our home was an exhausting project.  The final week of driving our truckloads here was well covered with prayer and bottles of 5-Hour Energy!

My thanks to all of our wonderful friends who showed up with packing boxes and willing hands to work at whatever we needed.  You all were so awesome!  We absolutely couldn’t have done it without you, and your cheerful smiles and help were the lifeline we needed.  God bless you all!

Part of God’s purpose in having us here just now became apparent right away.  My dear mother-in-law was having some debilitating health issues when we arrived, so were able to lend a hand and help with some of the immediate needs.  Since we haven’t found a home yet, it’s worked out great to stay with them, helping each other through an unusual time.  I’m finding (again!) how wise God is—it’s been good to just stop and catch up with ourselves, both mentally and physically, before starting the new-home process and all it entails.

I’m loving the milder climate—now I remember why people move here!  We’re enjoying day after day of sparkling sunshine, spectacular sunsets, and breathtaking vistas of ranchlands and mountains—love it, love it, love it!

And of course, it’s wonderful to be near our families, the main reason we relocated.  We’re looking forward to building a rich relationship with each one, something that’s been hard to do with a once- or twice-a-year visit.  God is good!

So in spite of the unsettledness I feel right now, it’s good to have the move behind us.  We’re where God wanted us, when He wanted us, and I am trusting Him with all the unknowns on the road ahead.

Oh, how good it is to belong to Him!

[P.S. - We have limited internet access for the time being, so I can't keep up well with my blogging friends.  I read as I'm able to but will have to wait to catch up on my comments.]